Dudes In Big Trucks

I have beef with Dudes in Big Trucks. 

I bet you know the Dudes I am talking about. The ones that use their trucks to impose their will onto you.  Are you or traffic moving slower than they want to go? They simply drive as close to you as possible to “help” push you and traffic along.  Are weather or road conditions tricky? Whatever,they’re in a truck.They drive fast and aggressively.  Why, because they are the biggest, baddest and obviously the most important thing on the road. I have driven across the country several times and nationwide it’s the same. They cut you off, speed pass, and ride your ass. Ugh – Dudes in Trucks!!!   I currently live in an odd area where rural meets metro, so plenty of trucks.  All sorts of ‘em. Trucks with weirdly aggressive dumper stickers, new shiny trucks that cost the same as a down payment for a house, alongside trucks with farm use tags and cattle guards. 

And in complete frustration with their existence – I flip all of them off. (by my leg, of course…I’m not an asshole) So when I say I have beef…I have completely irrational BEEF!

I also have beef with the Dudes that won’t move for you. They just get to walk, and like Moses in the Red Sea, the crowd magically parts for them. Can you imagine as a Female, that EVER happening? Ugh – DUDES! Am’ma Right?(eyeroll)

Okay…so maybe…I have beef with Dudes.

OR – do I have beef with the pass society gives their Big-ness. We reward them based on the Space they take up. Their worthiness is enhanced by that space, while women are penalized for it.

Personally, the origin point of my Dude Beef, is my desire to take up as much space as I damn well please but am afraid too. Yuck, that feels gross to say out loud.  It would be way easier to blame my feelings on Dudes or Society…but unfortunately, they aren’t responsible for My Feelings. (insert self-effacing eye roll here)

I am a very bright light, and when I was growing up…I was conditioned that my brightness was waaaaay too much. I was too emotional, too talkative, too dramatic. I knew all the ways I was too much, but I didn’t really know the ways I was enough. So I had this really weird battle of feeling like I was too much and not enough at the same time.  I have done so much work unravelling these binds, I seriously thought I was free from them.  But then I started flipping off Dudes in Trucks and I knew something was up. When I started to look, I could see all the places in my life I am holding myself back. When I allowed myself to feel, I can feel the constriction of self-imposed bines. They say: “Be Smaller.”“Be an acceptable version of you.”“Tuck in the crazy.”“Make people like you.”When I ground down into Truth, I can see that this is coming up because I have committed to living an authentic life, so I am being shown all the ways I am not living in authenticity.And it feels like a total gut punch.

I hate this. And if I could hide it, I would. Hell, I have for years. But as I surrender and buy into this Human Experience, this is exactly the stuff I must address. My Soul, My Human is BIG and I must unravel the bines that try to confine them. I can look at those Dudes in those Trucks as an example of how to be.(WHAT??? Did you see that coming?)Spoiler Alert, my anger is not with them, it’s that they are living the freedom I deeply desire but withhold from myself. My anger is that they are not afraid of the impact they make, and I am terrified of the impact I have the potential of making.I am setting with that.  I am asking for Guidance around this. I pray that burden is magically taken from me. And what I receive is that I must give myself permission to be as BIG as I want to be. I must reclaim the things that bring Me joy.I must do and say the things that scare me. And the me that bound us up, needsa whole lotta love. Cause she is scared shit-less right now. We both are.

                                                                                                                                       XOXO – PJo

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